all 8 comments

[–]jambonpomplemouse 8 points9 points ago

"prejudiced with my liberal feminist views"

Lol. This is where you break up with Peter.

[–]LovelyFugly 4 points5 points ago

This. It's that simple.

He thinks his family is right, else he would not have said anything bad about feminism in this situation.

From that reply? He agreed with every single thing his family said at dinner. Every bit of it. Those words that came out of his family's mouths? Imagine he said them, because with that kind of Not-Pology, he might as well have.

[–]fifthredditincarnatiyo mama 8 points9 points ago

I've been in the sorts of situations you mentioned, where everybody in the room looks at me with murder in their eyes because they believe feminists are scum... in fact I think it's a very rare feminist who DOESN'T face this issue of hostile family and friends when we speak up about feminism. It's appalling how casually misogynistic our near and "dear" ones can be - but when it comes to the near and dear ones of our significant others, it's not even just casual, is it? It can feel like a very calculated way on their part to vent their general hostility towards us by pinning it on "ugh, she's a feminist".

First things first: that Peter? DTMFA, stat. He did you a favor by showing you his true colors. At family gatherings, it doesn't even matter who is right and who is wrongg - even if you were being offensive, the job of your SO is to be on your side and shield you from their family's shit, not maliciously and deliberately join forces with their family to laugh AT you together. The fact that he was being a misogynistic prick while he did that is just the cherry on the shitcake. DUMP HIM. He just proved that this apple hasn't fallen far from the tree. What the fuck kind of way is that to treat a guest in your home?! Jeez.

Second: if you ever find yourself in such a situation again (and if you're a feminist, I guarantee you will), please just.... do exactly as you did here. Because I think you were fucking amazing. Battles on the personal front, where you have to stop people you are talking to and say "No, you don't say that shit, not in front of me" are the hardest types of battles. I have ENORMOUS respect for people who do it. The only thing I would change about your story next time is the "crying yourself to sleep" part - I think next time you should celebrate with cake and tequila combined with long phone conversations with friends.

tl;dr you're fucking amazing, keep it up.

[–]alwayspositive1[S] 0 points1 point ago


[–]alwayspositive1[S] -5 points-4 points ago

wow I thought I could count on you guys and you just cast me away like this....gee thanks

[–]fifthredditincarnatiyo mama[M] 7 points8 points ago

Your post was flagged because it was from such a new account. Sorry about that, I just approved it. It was nothing personal.

[–]Misogynist-ist 1 point2 points ago

He hasn't done right by you. If he doesn't share his family's views, he shouldn't be afraid to stand up for you to some degree, even if it were as simple as attempting to end the argument. As it stands, he was complicit in his silence. This should be a massive red flag. Either he agrees with them or is afraid to tell you, or he agrees with you and is afraid to tell them. Neither is good or excusable. If you left in a huff, which is perfectly understandable, I could see to some slight degree how he might've been embarrassed or felt defensive. That does NOT excuse his behavior, though, and your feelings are entirely legitimate. If they consider it bad form to debate during a family gathering and leave, surely it's at least equally bad form for them to alienate you with slurs and try to belittle you and your views. Perhaps, if only to keep the peace, you should have stuck it out until the end of the gathering and let loose in the car on the way home, but it's hard to even say that because I don't think I would've done any better in the same situation. I mean, if you really feel like it's worth salvaging, you could try talking to him about it. Do you like this guy enough that his horrible-sounding family would be worth putting up with? The longer you're with him, the more you're also going to be with his family.

FWIW, I agree with you that Thicke is the one who should be shouldering the blame. Cyrus is still young. Thicke is married with children and should know better.

[–]MagicMarker11 2 points3 points ago

Yeah... I've definitely been in a similar (tho not THAT bad) situation:

My family is pretty conservative, and my husband's family is much more so. There's a lot of times where they say something that bothers me but I deem it minor, I don't feel like starting anything, etc etc. But on the big stuff, if I say something, EVEN when my husband wishes I wouldn't have, HE BACKS ME UP. He supports ME.

It didn't used to be quite like that. I would get bothered by stuff and end up "running away" to his old room at their house just to get away and take a break, and he would come in and say "Just let it go, let it roll off your back, it's not worth it." But I explained to him that "to me, it IS worth it. Some things just are. And when you tell me that I should keep it inside and never say anything ever, that makes me feel like I am not important, that you don't support me, that my feelings are not as important as your dad's feelings. Is that how you feel?"

My husband understood, then, and changed his tactics. We worked out a plan to have Successful In-Law Times. I encourage you to try one more time to explain your POV to him, but if he doesn't understand, DTMFA.

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