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[–]krylea 3 points4 points ago

OK, I want to take a moment to respond to this because I think this is super important and i am kind of disgusted with a lot of the other posts in this thread. Just for context, though I think it will become clear, I am definitely a sex-negative feminist, and I am very critical of sex-positivity for a number of reasons. Sorry, this is super long. I had a lot of feelings about this post.

I am a trans woman, and my personal experience of being a trans woman and transitioning I think is super relevant to this question. I would like to stress that this is just MY personal experience and most trans women do not necessarily experience things the same way as me with respect to this, so don't take this as any kind of a general statement. Back when I was sufering under the delusion that I was a cis dude, I watched a lot of porn. As I transitioned and my sexuality changed I slowly stopped watching it, partially because I didn't enjoy it as much due to hormonal changes, but also because I started to become very uncomfortable with it. Having thought I was a dude and having enjoyed porn as a dude, then looking back again at it as a woman I think gives me a unique perspective on this. When I look back at the things I enjoyed in porn and in sexual fantasies, I become very personally uncomfortable and very disgusted with myself because I can see the degradation implied in my own former sexual desires. It has actually taken a lot of work and time on my own part to unlearn the unhealthy components of sexuality that my time having a non-feminist straight male sexuality inflicted on me. I would say NO, you are not overthinking it, you are absolutely right. Pornography and the male gaze are virulent and destructive and do inherently involve an element of objectification and commodification of women that is unavoidably misogynist. There is good porn out there that does not do this, but it is almost impossible to find and I am not confident that it is possible to enjoy it in a non-problematic way as a straight dude, given the attitudes towards women straight dudes are universally taught to hold. I see other people here posting that objectifying women is okay because it is porn and that is the point of porn, or other posts along similar lines. This is NOT TRUE. Objectification of the form that 99.99% of straight porn encourages, even the so-called "good" and "feminist" stuff is not part of healthy sexuality. It is destructive and encourages misogyny. Healthy sexuality is about mutual attraction and desire. It is not about the sort of fetishization that straight porn of all varieties teaches you to enjoy. I would strongly urge you to stay away from porn and male-gaze-y fantasies if you want to be a real male feminist. I know that is hard to do - we are inundated with them and they can quickly become a dependency - but I think it is a necessary part of confronting your male privilege. There are ways to enjoy sex without objectification - women do it all the time. You can learn to too. There are a bunch of really good articles on this called The Prude's Progress over at radtransfem, you should go check them out. If you need more reasons why porn is harmful, take a look at these links. They are kind of TERF-y, which sucks, but they make their point well: